The Bangs Catastrophe

When my first daughter was 15 months, I decided she needed bangs. Her baby fine hair was constantly in her face, and she loathed hair clips; always pulling them out.

I was tired of the battle, so I made an appointment for her to get a first “hair cut”.

She was adorable; however, she instantly appeared six months older. I cried on the way home about my baby growing up. (f’ing hormones).


Eight weeks later, she needed a trim. The battle ensued with me trying to pin back the hair out of her eyes, and her ripping the barrettes out.

How hard is it to trim bangs??? I wondered. Why pay someone to just snip across her forehead??

How hard is it? HARD.

I got her settled on the couch, turned on the TV as a distraction, and grabbed my scissors. Carefully, I combed her bangs down, making them flat against her head. She could have cared less, totally engrossed by Daniel Tiger.

See! What’s the big deal?! This is going to be easy!!

*Snip. Perfect.

*Snip. Snip. Looking good!!

*Sni—17th month old quickly moves her head—ppppp! *Scissors finish cutting upwards, at an angle, as the toddler pulls away.

SHIT! This isn’t good!! Okay, let’s try to even this out……*Snip snip. Hmm, okay, I need to go up a little to make it straight. *Snip snip snip snip. Oh God, this is so horrible, but I can’t stop now or it will look like a rabid animal chewed it off! Alright, I need to go up even further, then try to have it balanced across as much as possible…

*Snip. * Scissors down. *SOBBING.


To this day, when I look at a picture, taken shortly after, what’s now known as, “The Bangs Catastrophe”, I cringe. You know how everyone has that one picture of themselves, as a kid, that’s just awkward? Yeah, my poor daughter will have a three month period of those pictures, until it finally started growing out enough for me to pull back. Three months spent with me shoving hats on her and pulling down headbands, right on the hairline, at an attempt to disguise my hair massacre.

“So what? It’s just hair,”some of you might have been wondering aloud, as you read my sad tale. You’re right, it grows back, but while you’re slowly waiting for that to happen, it’s hard not to feel guilty about messing up the appearance of your sweet, little child’s cherub face.

I learned my lesson. When my now second daughter needed a trim, I didn’t dare touch it. I was definitely going to leave that up to a professional! Parenting, wifeing, writing, wine drinking–I’ll stick to those things instead!


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