I Cleaned Out My Car and Here’s What I Found



Yesterday, we didn’t have any plans. Nowhere to go. I was antsy. I was tired of reading the same book ten times in a row and being the baby with the playhouse family. I needed to get out of the house. And then it hit me.

“Girls, do you want to go to the car wash?” I asked.

The car wash. A win-win. The girls would be entertained, and I would have a few minutes of peace to play on my phone.

*Squeals of delight from the three-year-old. “YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Car wash!!!!!!”

The kid’s obsessed. If she’s not begging to take the car there, she’s constructing a car wash out of blocks, or whatever, for her toy cars. I foresee her owning or working at one when she’s grown.

Anyway, we all climbed into the car, with more excitement coming from me about leaving prison the house.

The outside of the car truly didn’t need to be washed, but as we were driving, I took notice of the interior’s destruction.

After our amazing trip through the rotating brushes, it was time to head over to the vacuum and more importantly, the garbage can.

If you’re bored today and have nothing else better to do, I categorically listed what I found, and threw away, in my landfill on wheels:


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The Bangs Catastrophe

When my first daughter was 15 months, I decided she needed bangs. Her baby fine hair was constantly in her face, and she loathed hair clips; always pulling them out.

I was tired of the battle, so I made an appointment for her to get a first “hair cut”.

She was adorable; however, she instantly appeared six months older. I cried on the way home about my baby growing up. (f’ing hormones).


Eight weeks later, she needed a trim. The battle ensued with me trying to pin back the hair out of her eyes, and her ripping the barrettes out.

How hard is it to trim bangs??? I wondered. Why pay someone to just snip across her forehead??

How hard is it? HARD.

I got her settled on the couch, turned on the TV as a distraction, and grabbed my scissors. Carefully, I combed her bangs down, making them flat against her head. She could have cared less, totally engrossed by Daniel Tiger.

See! What’s the big deal?! This is going to be easy!!

*Snip. Perfect.

*Snip. Snip. Looking good!!

*Sni—17th month old quickly moves her head—ppppp! *Scissors finish cutting upwards, at an angle, as the toddler pulls away.

SHIT! This isn’t good!! Okay, let’s try to even this out……*Snip snip. Hmm, okay, I need to go up a little to make it straight. *Snip snip snip snip. Oh God, this is so horrible, but I can’t stop now or it will look like a rabid animal chewed it off! Alright, I need to go up even further, then try to have it balanced across as much as possible…


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